![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vernajastTitle: Fine (I Miss You, But I'm)
Rating: R (language)
Pairing: Past Kurenai/Asuma; Kurenai/Shikamaru; could even be Asuma/Kakashi, if you look deeply
Squick: implied sex, blood, implied deaths and similar imagery, unbeta read
Inspired sorta haphazardly by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
zhangsizheng's drabble set here. Haphazardly because, really, when you've read both, you'll see it has little or nothing to do with her work (which is amazing!), but you may also see the parallels. It was all very unintentional, but her writing affected me this morning and this is what came of it. May have taken from her style a little, as well, because I'm malleable like that, but the run-on sentences are decidedly mine. >_<"
So, thanks very much. Maybe it's okay to dedicate this to you. *shrugs* Hope so, cause it is.
“Borders are scratched across the hearts of men, by strangers with a calm, judicial pen, and when the borders bleed we watch with dread the lines of ink along the map turn red.” Marya Mannes
FINE (I MISS YOU, BUT I'M)
The mark, he's sitting next to me. His skin isn't stubbled or bearded, but clean shaven. He smells of cigarette smoke, and maybe he's just come in from having one outside, and I wonder offhandedly if it's the same brand. Though it doesn't matter.
Like it doesn't matter that this isn't my normal type of work or that my belly's still shrinking and scarred from when the overly energetic little girl of a medic had tried...and why, why, why did they have to take him too!?
The mark shifts in his seat.
Kakashi. The idiot. He thought this would be good for me, that I could forget you in the maelstrom of blood and sex and (I miss you so fucking much) he really is an idiot.
I suppose I can forgive him that. We both loved you, in a way that doesn't quite make us sympathetic. I laugh and I follow the man who isn't you when he beckons.
And then, it's over.
Pure adrenaline carries me back to the village:
After the stabbing and slicing and his torso was split wide open, ignoring the answering pang in my own. I kicked his face in and made sure to smile as his eyes swelled shut, because Konoha is nothing if not thorough in its vengeance.
If the door is unlocked when I return, if Shikamaru is curled on your pillow, I don't mind so much.
I learned the truth of vengeance from him, after all.
It's him I lazily fall into bed with, lazily fuck, and (I miss you so much, but...).
He loved you, too, you know? He mourns you as a father, while his own mourns the loss of a son, and that Sand girl never makes eye contact with either of us, and...
When he won't go home, I go out instead. (I miss you, but...you see...)
Some part of me hopes the next mark isn't a smoker. That he doesn't smile easily and won't hold me like that before bearing his pulse and then losing it (me, not him, I'm losing it).
So much blood and, Asuma, did you know there was so much blood in a single human being? And red, my vision's red and, ohhaha, love, yes, I know.
Kakashi is an idiot; I've said it before.
I don't need this. I need need I need and, dammit, you're the idiot.
(I miss you, but...I'm fine...)
Rating: R (language)
Pairing: Past Kurenai/Asuma; Kurenai/Shikamaru; could even be Asuma/Kakashi, if you look deeply
Squick: implied sex, blood, implied deaths and similar imagery, unbeta read
Inspired sorta haphazardly by
zhangsizheng's drabble set here. Haphazardly because, really, when you've read both, you'll see it has little or nothing to do with her work (which is amazing!), but you may also see the parallels. It was all very unintentional, but her writing affected me this morning and this is what came of it. May have taken from her style a little, as well, because I'm malleable like that, but the run-on sentences are decidedly mine. >_<" So, thanks very much. Maybe it's okay to dedicate this to you. *shrugs* Hope so, cause it is.
“Borders are scratched across the hearts of men, by strangers with a calm, judicial pen, and when the borders bleed we watch with dread the lines of ink along the map turn red.” Marya Mannes
FINE (I MISS YOU, BUT I'M)
The mark, he's sitting next to me. His skin isn't stubbled or bearded, but clean shaven. He smells of cigarette smoke, and maybe he's just come in from having one outside, and I wonder offhandedly if it's the same brand. Though it doesn't matter.
Like it doesn't matter that this isn't my normal type of work or that my belly's still shrinking and scarred from when the overly energetic little girl of a medic had tried...and why, why, why did they have to take him too!?
The mark shifts in his seat.
Kakashi. The idiot. He thought this would be good for me, that I could forget you in the maelstrom of blood and sex and (I miss you so fucking much) he really is an idiot.
I suppose I can forgive him that. We both loved you, in a way that doesn't quite make us sympathetic. I laugh and I follow the man who isn't you when he beckons.
And then, it's over.
Pure adrenaline carries me back to the village:
After the stabbing and slicing and his torso was split wide open, ignoring the answering pang in my own. I kicked his face in and made sure to smile as his eyes swelled shut, because Konoha is nothing if not thorough in its vengeance.
If the door is unlocked when I return, if Shikamaru is curled on your pillow, I don't mind so much.
I learned the truth of vengeance from him, after all.
It's him I lazily fall into bed with, lazily fuck, and (I miss you so much, but...).
He loved you, too, you know? He mourns you as a father, while his own mourns the loss of a son, and that Sand girl never makes eye contact with either of us, and...
When he won't go home, I go out instead. (I miss you, but...you see...)
Some part of me hopes the next mark isn't a smoker. That he doesn't smile easily and won't hold me like that before bearing his pulse and then losing it (me, not him, I'm losing it).
So much blood and, Asuma, did you know there was so much blood in a single human being? And red, my vision's red and, ohhaha, love, yes, I know.
Kakashi is an idiot; I've said it before.
I don't need this. I need need I need and, dammit, you're the idiot.
(I miss you, but...I'm fine...)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-24 05:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-24 05:54 pm (UTC)THANK YOU! :D I didn't let anyone read it, just posted and went, "oh don't let it suck," so the reassurance is most welcome! <3333
And when I was done writing it, I went back and was wondering where the rest of it went. It surprised me, too, the length.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-24 06:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-24 05:46 pm (UTC)Poor Shikaku. I'm so pleased I was able to inspire anything of yours, even if indirectly. It... it does good for my ego? =3333
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-24 05:52 pm (UTC)You inspire me all the time, silly! Just...it isn't usually so directly obvious to me. I was thinking about your first set, your Asuma/Kakashi set...along with the newest ones...and then my coworker came in from outside after having a cigarette and the smell tingled in my nose and.......
...then this.
*giggle* I'm so giddy today. Sorry if my comments/writing are hyperactive.
*grimnod* Colateral damage all around. Shikaku obviously loves his son, and he's so far out of reach and he knew Shikamaru respected Asuma, but...
*hug* Thanks for the inspiration you amazing person!!